Halls of Chagrin
by New Decade
Summary: The truth is something we all need...something we deserve. An explanation for E/C in 9.02.


I keep getting all these ideas for fics in my mind and they are impossible to get rid of unless I write them (hence the increased amount and speed of my publishing lately, I wish the same could be said for my updates…I swear the next chapter of "Holding On" and/or "Slowly Realizing" will be posted soon).

I wrote another piece for 9.02, a truth behind the words thing, to offer a possible explanation the CBS writers have yet to give us. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

The air conditioner in her home was turned off, all the doors and windows had been sealed, making any chance of a breeze subtly wafting through the house impossible, and she lived at the tip of the peninsula that was Florida, famous for it's warm climate. Regardless of those facts, Calleigh was still cold. She was cold enough to the extent that she had pulled out a baggy sweater from the bottom of her chest of drawers to shelter her from the arctic-like temperature. The soft cotton settled comfortably over her arms and torso, giving her the feeling of protection yet failing to deliver the warmth in which she craved.

Calleigh decided to simply rough through the coldness within her house, after all it wasn't the one that was cold (a fact she admitted after readjusting the thermostat), it was her. The emotional hurt kindling inside her having been transferred into an unpleasant chill that constantly ran down her spine to remind her it was there; as though she would forget.

Calleigh accepted that her and her alone was responsible for causing the ache she felt now. This wasn't Eric's fault; he had been the one willing to move down the road and advancing in their relationship. Calleigh had thought, before the whole calamity with ASA, that perhaps she had too been ready to progress the same way he felt they should. But then a familiar ghost and his brother crept under the door until they were once again a factor in her relationship; that ghost was betrayal, with lies storming in behind him. When that demon was finally revealed, Calleigh felt the thirteen years of trust she had found in Eric crumpling beneath her, making everything unstable…including them.

"I know it's going to take me awhile to earn your trust back," Eric admitted as they stood at the pier, watching the sun disappear on the horizon as the waves crashed against the rocks, occasionally a light mist of saltwater making contact with them.

Calleigh looked at him, she already knew he was sorry and regretted the choice of failing to confide in her, but he was correct that it was going to take him awhile to get back into her good books.

"You're right about that," Calleigh replied in a tone that probably should have been harder, but that didn't matter to her; Calleigh had had enough firm conversations with him to get the answers needed. Besides, looking passed the deceitfulness, the man she was standing with was still her Eric…he had simply made a serious mistake in which the consequences could have resulted in her losing him. It would be insensitive of Calleigh not to take into consideration of the fact she almost lost the most cherished individual in her life.

Calleigh vaguely remembered him scooting closer to her at that point, his arm lightly brushing against hers, and her merrily thinking if they were to take it slow there was still the possibility that their bond could last. But now she sat alone at the bare dining room table having dinner with the only friend she felt she could depend on, herself, thinking how the possibility of a happily ever after seemed nothing more than a pipe dream at this point.

Six nights ago, everything was perfect in between the two of them in her eyes. They would drive to her place after work, spending a fair percentage of their evening in each other's arms, and she was content with the way things were. By this point in time, looking at Eric with leery eyes was a thing of the past and the trust and respect she had for him was returning at a quicker rate.

They were practically living together and they were rapidly approaching the standpoint their relationship had been at before. That was until five nights ago, in which Calleigh knew could have ended positively like Eric was hoping and she honestly wished she could have let it, but accepting the question for the sake of vivacity would be dishonest of her.

Everything had started normally; they were simply lounging on the couch, Calleigh's body seated between his legs and her head was resting on his chest, Calleigh could hear the rhythmic beats of his heart under her ear. The night was peaceful silence surrounding them, she had turned down a few of the lights, sending a soft glow throughout the living room; Calleigh didn't realize it until hours later that she had unintentionally set the mood.

Eric had wrapped his arm around her ribcage, gently pulling her closer to him as he kissed the locks of her hair.

"I love you," he had whispered.

"I love you," she echoed, a light smile touching her lips as she closed her eyes, snuggling deeper into his chest.

She gently felt is lips grace her skin, dotting kisses along her jugular, the euphoria of his lips on her skin making her quiver in warmth.

"Will you marry me?" he mumbled against her skin.

Calleigh's eyes flew open, not completely sure se had heard him correctly, though she was rather sure she heard the word "marry", but to be sure…

"What did you say?" Calleigh asked, her breathing heavy and her eyes stinging with the threat of tears if she had heard what she thought she heard.

"Will you marry me?" he repeated his question.

The question most women would love to have heard had now become the question she couldn't bear to be asked. She felt a small cube being placed on her leg by Eric, drawing her eyes to see a velvet box resting on her thigh. A lump arose in her throat, making it next to impossible for her to breathe.

Hesitantly, she reached down to pick up the box and let it rest in the palm of her hand, her index finger on her other hand lightly brushing over the soft material, not wanting to imagine the contents within. The gesture of the ring was too much to handle without seeing what it looked like.

Calleigh took a deep breath, knowing what she was about to do was derailing them on the smooth course they had been taking and, even worse, destroy Eric's heart…something she never wanted to do.

She looked up with him with the beginnings of tears in her eyes, but not the tears he had been expecting to see.

"No…not now," she breathed, shaking her head. Calleigh saw Eric's face fall into a heavy frown, his eyes filling with instant hurt.

Calleigh rolled her lips and sighed, feeling absolutely retched about the situation. Was she unconfident in her choice? No, she knew that if she went against her better judgement that many problems could arise from agreeing to this. Even if they prolonged the engagement for a few years to let some of the recent conflicts settle, the title of "fiancée" during those months would be too pressurizing. But seeing the pain in Eric's eyes and knowing that _she _had been the one to cause it caused her to feel as though she had crucified his heart, he deserved better than that, or at least an explanation.

"Eric, I'm…" Calleigh took a deep breath through her nose, trying to think of the best way to word this so he could understand how she felt. "I'm not saying never, I'm just saying not now."

Not one second after her words had been spoken did Calleigh's sporadic romantic side start to protest, trying to take the reins of her decision over her rational half. The loving part of her desperately wanted to accept his proposal, saying how love had a way of fixing any situation, no matter how difficult. But her protective instincts kicked in and not a single line from a sappy romantic novel or movie could stop them. The unfortunate truth was they hadn't been where they were before; they had only just started climbing the ladder in her opinion. How could she have a marriage with somebody who she had yet to start fully trusting again?

Eric didn't say much about the subject that night, he simply nodded in a manner that could be interpreted as understanding to most people. The only thing was Calleigh wasn't most people, she actually _knew _Eric on levels many people didn't and so she knew that he wasn't okay about any of this. A heavy awkwardness engulfed the entire house, Eric not saying more on the subject that evening. Calleigh knew that he was probably too angry or too hurt to discuss a matter; the silence made Calleigh uneasy, for Eric very rarely held his tongue about anything. Calleigh made many attempts to try to explain why she made the choice she made, but there weren't words in which she could explain, her thought process still barricaded by shock and slight guilt.

Attempting to get through the night was painstakingly difficult. There would be periods in which they wouldn't speak for over an hour, their bodies repelling like the two North poles of a magnet would. When they did speak, the sentences were short and the replies shorter. They were clearly attempting to rub sticks to spark a real conversation about his proposal and her refusal, but no amount of friction forced seemed to be enough as the discussion fizzled out before it truly began.

Calleigh was relieved when it became late enough to be dubbed bedtime, actually surprised Eric was going to stay at her house instead of returning to his condo.

But even though he was staying, didn't necessarily mean the night was going to be pleasant. For the first time in months, Calleigh didn't drift to sleep with her head against Eric's chest and his arms not wrapped around her. His warmth didn't entangle itself around the frame of her body as it would have on any other night and the feeling dereliction came over in its place, making the bed feel foreign to her.

Calleigh had to fight off the yearning to reach over and wrap Eric's arm around herself, she thought her actions would have made the situation worse; besides, maybe he didn't want to hold her…he had been the one whose proposal she had shunned.

They had hoped the night would heal things as they gave their minds time to comprehend the events of the evening. Sadly, the night had brought around the opposite effect. They didn't wake up cheerfully with each other and the same disquieting routine continued for two nights, feeling they were nothing more than strangers under a shared roof. Calleigh made every attempt possible to talk the dilemma over with Eric, her efforts always falling through with the misunderstanding of terms and lack of answers she would receive.

By the time work that day had ended, they both knew the course of action that needed to be taken. They had mutually agreed that the time apart would be beneficial for them in the long run. The final hour Eric spent in Calleigh's house consisted of the two of them walking around the house gathering his items such as clothes, toiletries and other belongings, being able to miraculously cram them all into his gym bag.

They embraced each other before he walked down to his car, the first time they had touched each other in days. Calleigh helped him gather his things, helping him cram it into his gym bag. Calleigh watched as he drove away, eyes filling with moisture as he disappeared from her life once again.

Thus she was here, alone in her house eating dinner for one, which at this point her dinner had become more of a heap of misery she was forced to eat against her will as opposed to an actual meal. Calleigh looked down at the pathetic spaghetti on her plate, seeing nothing more than mushy noodles stained red by the Ragu sauce, all-in-all very unwelcoming. She was mostly just pushing the pasta around her plate with her fork, never consuming anything in front of her except for the glass of red wine beside her plate. Maybe if she hadn't had such a painful few weeks she could have found it within herself to attempt to enjoy her food, not just the alcohol, but now she saw it as nothing more than unappetizing.

Calleigh heaved herself up from her chair, grabbing the practically untouched plate of spaghetti with plans to put it the refrigerator as a hefty leftover for tomorrow. Her bare feet touched the cold tiles as she traipsed her way through her kitchen, pausing only for a moment to remorsefully look at the bare corner of the island's granite countertop. The day Eric had moved out, the box that contained her would-have-been engagement ring had been sitting there when Calleigh came back in after he drove away. She wasn't sure if had left it there by accident, as an incrimination tactic or, for all she knew, Eric probably wasn't keen on having the ring in his possession, either. She had been too upset too call and have him come pick up the ring, besides that would have been a below the belt action for her to commit, and she couldn't stand seeing it in front of her. Since that day, Calleigh had kept the ring in an empty space in her drawer were Eric's clothes had once lain.

Calleigh covered the plate of spaghetti with plastic wrap and placed it in on the top shelf of her refrigerator, hoping the dish would be more palatable tomorrow. She trudged her way into her living room, pulling the sweater tighter around her as she plopped down on the couch; resting her head against the arm and letting her eyelids fall. She released a thwarted sigh, feeling as though she were a stranger within her own home…perhaps even her own skin. Absolutely everything was falling apart with no one person, force or gang to place the fault, things just change. Within the year, such a capacity of changes had rushed around them once one thing became stable the other had been back to being thrown off balance. Changes ranged from Horatio's son, Kyle, leaving to serve his country to the death of Californian friend Jesse Cardoza, not to mention the abundance of other distortions in between. Looking from this from Calleigh's point of view, she and Eric had come full circle from where they had been last year and this was just the cherry on top of a very paradoxal year. This almost bipolar thing called life was taking its toll on her plan to find some routine to the point she was considering giving up and just do what she did best…focus on her job.

She shook her head at the idea, thinking how she could very well be converting her life to how it was after John's suicide and being completely career oriented, having a limited amount of love accepted into her life. The serious relationship after that with Jake had ended in disappointment, only making her more hopeful with Eric and the possibility that she could have more to life than Firearms and law enforcement. But once again, her hope had slipped from her hands and, this time, she had to receive the blame for no one else was responsible. John had taken his own life, Jake had simply had the same issue as she had and was sometimes _way _too focused to let love into anything involving work. Eric had been the cause of their detachment a year ago due to traumatic events that she had tried her hardest to empathize with. But now she had rejected the opportunity offered and was now damned to paying to consequences for the decision she had made.

* * *

Calleigh massaged a knick in her neck, a result from passing out with her head propped against the arm of her sofa, as she walked towards DNA. Herself, Walter and Natalia had been assigned to work a case involving a rape turned murder of a teenager in the Gables, the rest of the team working a drug sell turned murder Downtown. Calleigh had gotten a page from Natalia that she was running the semen found in their victim through CODIS along with the promise that the results should be in soon. Thus, she walked through the halls of CSI, hoping she would have any confrontations from a certain someone she couldn't handle seeing.

"What happened to your neck?" Natalia asked, looking pointedly at the way Calleigh was rubbing it as she approached.

"Slept on it wrong," Calleigh shrugged, casually. "Get a hit?"

"No." Natalia shook her head in disappointment. "The semen isn't in CODIS."

"Well, the murder weapon was a Ka-Bar 1212 knife, that's a Marine Corps issued knife. You think if we run it through the data base for the military we could get a hit?" Calleigh asked, hopefully.

"I was thinking the same thing, I ran the semen through and…nada," Natalia sighed.

"Great," Calleigh mumbled, sarcastically. "And the blood on the knife was, let me guess, our victim's only?"

"Yeah, our killer didn't cut himself in the process."

"That doesn't happen often, that was one of our view leads. Well, maybe someone else had the knife before our killer and his prints are on it," Calleigh shrugged, picking up the evidence bag containing the murder weapon. "It might be a long shot, but the prints may lead us to someone who knows our guy."

"Good luck," Natalia called after Calleigh.

Frustrated with both her personal life and lack of leads on the case, Calleigh heatedly made her way towards Fingerprints. But as she approached the lab, she almost made herself turn back due to she saw inside, the backs of Eric and Ryan through the glass.

She tried to be nonchalant about seeing Eric and had been about to march straight in, that was until she got wind of conversation they were having; a conversation she did not want to be apart of.

"Nat, Walter and I are going to Brennan's after work. You and Calleigh want to tag along?" Ryan asked as they waited for AFIS to process a latent print that they had collected from the murder weapon for theircase, unaware of the woman outside the door.

"You'll have to ask Calleigh if she's interested, but I've got plans," Eric sighed, Calleigh could hear the heaviness in his voice as he spoke about her. Calleigh couldn't help but be curious about these plans of his.

"Don't your plans usually include Calleigh, though?" Ryan asked, confused.

Eric was silent, obviously not wanting to draw attention to the subject. But what he wasn't saying was coming in loud and clear to Ryan, who half sighed, half groaned when he connected the dots.

"You and Calleigh didn't…?" Ryan trailed off, shaking his head. "Again?"

"Wolfe-," Eric sighed, trying to make Ryan close his mouth as the AFIS hit popped upon the screen.

"I mean, if you two can't make it work, who the hell can?"

"Ryan, are you doing a _Days of Our Lives _segment? We have a suspect to apprehend," Eric snapped.

Calleigh knew Ryan wasn't going to dare say anything else about their crumbled relationship in front of Eric and took it as a green light to enter. The men turned around when they heard the door swing open from behind them, Eric and Calleigh's eyes met, the atmosphere of the room silent and distressing. Even Ryan sensed the tension, though he wasn't wholly involved in the situation apart from the information he had just inferred from Eric's few words. He subtly cleared his throat to break the silence and start a new conversation with Calleigh.

"Hey, Cal," Ryan greeted her.

"Hey," Calleigh replied, careful not to include nor exclude Eric from her acknowledgement, as she pulled on her lab coat. "Is you all's case going okay?"

"Yeah," Eric answered, to Calleigh's surprised. He figured if they were stuck in this intransigent situation, they should try to keep it out of the equation when it came to working in the same building. "We actually just got a print off the gun that killed our vic."

"Well, looks like you've also found ourselves a suspect," Calleigh smiled at them, proudly, as she slit open the edge of the evidence envelope parallel to where Natalia had made her own incision, which was now repaired by evidence tape.

"Which we need to pick up before he realizes we're onto him and he skips town," Ryan sighed in frustration, shrugging off his lab coat.

"Good luck," Calleigh grinned at them.

"You, too," Eric nodded, the two of them sharing a friendly glance, an almost flirtatious mood flowing between the two. However, before the moment could approach being classified as anything that could be associated as romantic, they dropped their eyes from the other's face and went about their business. Eric took off his lab coat and hung it on the coat rack, as Calleigh began to dust the handle of the Ka-Bar for prints.

* * *

Calleigh stepped out of the bathroom the next morning. She was showered, dressed and ready for work. But before she got out her door, she saw the message light blinking on her answering machine. She hit playback to hear a very unexpected voice…for it was one from a stranger.

"Hey, Eric, it's Natasha," a female's voice said. "I just wanted to say thanks for last night, you were fantastic. I mean, really helpful. Thanks. I guess I'll see you. Bye."

By this point, Calleigh's mouth had dropped open in disbelief; she was angry, hurt and appalled. She didn't want to believe this; he was already starting to go out with other people? Calleigh understood that their separation implied he _could _see other people, she couldn't help but notice how cliché it was they had actually used the phrase "other people", but she didn't even consider he would be playing the field again barely a week afterward. This could have just a way of dealing with any pain he could have been feeling, but it would have been very out of character for Eric; he hadn't spontaneously gone out with some random woman to get over anything that was tormenting him for years.

Jealously of this woman who Eric had spent his night with poured through Calleigh; it just didn't seem right. Natasha hadn't known Eric for years; she didn't know his background or any of the hell he had endured. She didn't know him and every aspect of his mind as well as his heart. She hadn't been the comforter for or the comforted from Eric. This excuse for a date or romance or whatever this woman had been to Eric the previous night knew _nothing _about Eric compared to Calleigh; she, apparently, didn't even know his home phone number.

Calleigh pondered the reason this woman left a voicemail, even though Calleigh's voice had been the one on the absence greeting, and more importantly why Eric gave this girl _her _home number in the first place. Calleigh couldn't see how it could have been a mistake, thinking Eric intentionally gave Natasha her number, maybe to perhaps prove that he had now moved on, his own personal form of vengeance. If this were his way of spiting her for turning down his proposal she would be massively surprised, that would be a vicious act for Eric.

She made a mental note to herself to deal with the situation later, for now, work wasn't going to stop for her personal dilemma.

* * *

Calleigh secured her purse on the hook inside her locker before pulling out her badge and gun, fastening the two of them to her waistband as Eric walked in.

"Good morning," he greeted her, barely glimpsing at her before working on his combination lock.

"Good morning," Calleigh replied, voice hard and heavy in sarcasm.

"You okay?" Eric asked, confused by the icy tone Calleigh was using; she was normally a morning person, but her tone seemed to be contradicting that principle.

Calleigh all but slammed her locker door before as she turned to face Eric, seeing him looking straight back at her.

"I'd be better if I wasn't getting voicemail messages at _my _house from a woman _you _saw last night," Calleigh sighed, heatedly.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down. What woman are you talking about?" Eric asked, taken aback.

"You heard me," Calleigh snapped, but his face was still void of any understanding. "Listen, I don't care who you see," Calleigh lied, when in truth part of her thought she wouldn't have felt a bit of remorse using an SKS assault rifle on Natasha if they crossed paths. "Just don't give them my home number, okay?"

"Calleigh, I'm not seeing anybody, who are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me Eric. Natasha, remember?" she interrogated, his face becoming full of comprehension when her name was mentioned.

Eric sighed, remembering who Calleigh was referring to and the mistake he had made. For months Calleigh's house had been like home and now people just contacted him at her house, using her number as his home contact had simply become a reaction.

"It's not what you think," Eric insisted, though he already noticed she wasn't going to trust his answer by the way she folded her arms over her chest.

"That's original," Calleigh scoffed.

"I'm serious. I went to a bar, she was having problems with her husband and I was thinking about us-," Eric cut off, not wanting to travel down that road again. "We spent the night talking, nothing more."

"Okay, so why did you give her my number?" Calleigh demanded.

"Reflex," Eric shrugged, innocently. "When I lived with you, you said if I wanted I could give them your number to call me if they needed to."

"You don't live there anymore, Eric," Calleigh reminded him, irritably.

"You don't think I've realized that?" Eric snapped. "It's a knee-jerk reaction, Cal, it'll take me sometime to get over it."

Calleigh considered what he said, giving it deep thought. Maybe it was an honest mistake on Eric's behalf and the woman just didn't have the common sense to hang up the phone when she realized she would be leaving a message on a stranger's answering machine.

"Fine," Calleigh shrugged.

Eric looked at her as though she had suddenly told him she was leaving CSI to go be a nightclub owner.

"Fine?" he quoted back to her in disbelief.

"Yeah," Calleigh nodded. "It was a mistake, I can appreciate that as long as it never happens again."

Without so much as an "I'll see you later" Calleigh turned on her heel towards the elevator.

"That's it?" Eric asked, incredulously. "That's how you're going to end this conversation?"

Calleigh turned back to face Eric; his face was angry, but his eyes were fully of hurt and betrayal.

"What else do you want me to say?"

"Well, for starters, why are you so angry about this?" Eric asked, trying to keep his voice calm.

Calleigh couldn't laugh at how ridiculous she thought the question was as she stepped towards him.

"Eric, you'd be angry if I had given some guy your phone number," Calleigh pointed out.

"Exactly," Eric nodded. "Because I'd be jealous of the guy."

"Are you insinuating that I was jealous of Natasha?" Calleigh questioned.

"Were you?"

Calleigh glared at him, but didn't answer. She pressed her lips into a hard line, she _had _been the slightest bit envious of Natasha, but she didn't want to give him the benefit of admitting that she was.

"A little," she sighed; he'd just have to settle for that much as her admitting her resentment. To her surprise, Eric's face turned into a slight smirk as he went back to working the combination of his locker. "Oh, okay, so you're the only one who is allowed to get jealous?" Calleigh remarked, sarcastically.

"No," Eric shook his head, not looking at her as he hung up his gym bag. "I just think it's a bit ironic that you're getting jealous about it when you were the one that said that you wouldn't marry me."

"I didn't say I wouldn't marry you," Calleigh defended herself as he attached his badge and gun to his belt. "I simply said I wouldn't marry you _now_, at this time."

"Why?" Eric asked, closing his locker.

"I told you when you moved-."

"You said that you didn't think the timing was right, you never explained why you thought so," Eric pointed out.

"You think a lengthy explanation would change anything?" Calleigh asked. "Do you think maybe we'd reach an understanding and be happy again? Or maybe we'd just go back to speaking only when needed and avoiding each other at all costs otherwise? Or will we sink even lower and go back to meaningless sex like last time?" Calleigh demanded, too angry to care that she was being straightforward almost to the point of rude.

Eric looked at her in disbelief then back at his locker before walking over to her.

"Is that what you thought it was? Meaningless?" he asked, his tone angry and bitter.

"Well, it wasn't for me, I just thought you did," Calleigh shrugged, but deep down she knew it was an outrageous lie.

"Yeah? Well it wasn't," Eric corrected her opinion.

"Fine, so I guess we're choosing not speaking unless needed, because every time something that could have meaning comes along for the two of us, someone gets hurt," Calleigh stated, the words coming out of her mouth burning like acid.

"Yeah, I've noticed," he mumbled under his breath, referring to his proposal.

"Don't you go making _me _out to be the only bad guy, Eric," Calleigh snapped. "Incase you haven't noticed, you've hurt me quite a few times too."

Calleigh turned to storm toward the door, only to stop mid step. Calleigh closed her eyes and exhaled, getting her temper under control as she dropped her face into her hands before raking them through her hair to turn around to face Eric.

"I hate this," she admitted, her tone softer now that she had blown off a fair amount of steam. "I hate that we are being this way to each other."

"I hate it, too," Eric nodded, as though it were obvious. "I miss seeing you, you know, _outside _of here."

"So do I, but I think it was clear we weren't exactly making it work after…after what happened that night," Calleigh sighed, regrettably. "Which I can understand, I said no and you got hurt and I'm sorry about that. I wish that I could have said yes, Eric, I honestly do. And maybe someday, if you haven't changed your mind about me by that point, I will be able to."

"I understand that part, Calleigh. I get you said no, for now, not for the future. But you never told me why," Eric reminded her. "Do you not see us having a future or anything? Because I sure as hell do, Cal."

"It's not that," Calleigh sighed. "I do love you. How could I not love somebody who…flies from Tampa when I end up in the hospital or someone who tries to carry me out of a building full of knockout gas when _he _should have just got himself out?" Calleigh asked. "I _do _love you, but that's not the issue here."

"Then what is the issue? What's wrong with now?" Eric asked.

Calleigh looked at her feet, fighting back the emotional tears she new would one day sneak upon her at the most inconvenient time. She gently took Eric's hand and led him over to the far side of the locker room, where a bench aligned the wall opposite the final row of lockers. Calleigh released his hand and sat down, gently patting the wood beside her to invite him to sit down by her. Eric accepted the offer and sat down beside her, he was pleased to see she was looking at him without sadness or detachment, but rather like she actually wanted to work things out.

"We, and by we I mean mostly myself, didn't really talk about any of this and I feel that I owe you that much to explain why I said I wouldn't marry you. It's not that I don't want to be with you. Eric, I _do _want to be with you. I want to marry you, I want to have a family with you and everything. I want those things more than anything," Calleigh explained. "But with the rate things are changing and how everything keeps getting turned on its side, I don't want to chance starting a marriage or anything else until things calm down a little and the drama subsides a bit. I don't want to rush into anything until we are both ready so we don't ruin anything." Calleigh realized she was rambling and by this point she had gotten the point across. She paused to take a deep breath, wanting to ask on final question. "Or have I already done that?"

Eric grinned at her and gently pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as she snaked hers around his torso.

"We're moving too fast, aren't we?" Eric sighed, chaffing her back with his palm.

"A little. Maybe we should take some time…let things cool down. I believe if we give it each other a bit of space for awhile, if it's meant to be everything will fall into place," Calleigh nodded.

"Yeah," Eric agreed, leaning out of their embrace to look at her. "I'm sorry if my proposing screwed this up."

This was the last thing Calleigh wanted out of this conversation. What did Eric have to be sorry for? Being honest? Pursuing what he wanted? If people apologized for such things, the human race would have died out years ago. Besides, he didn't bring them to where they were, Calleigh's fear of how she felt rushing would destroy everything was what led to their downfall.

"No, don't be sorry, it didn't," Calleigh promised him, her voice becoming thick. "If it was at any other time, I would have said yes, but right now we are one two separate pages and…" Calleigh trailed off, looking at her lap, constantly folding and refolding her hands. "Maybe we're just better off being friends for right now."

The truth hurt for Eric to admit, but the truth had to be that way every now and then. In this case, the truth was Calleigh was right, they had been rushing way too quickly and marriage could have ruined everything.

"Maybe," Eric sighed. "We were good at that."

"Yeah," Calleigh nodded. "The times when nothing was complicated and the worst fights we got in were over cases."

Eric chuckled in agreement.

"Yeah…good times."

* * *

_Three days later…_

Everything was…well, not perfect, but it was no longer purgatory for Eric and Calleigh. They were civil towards the other, able to talk in sentences with a slight amorous tone and were able to keep generally any of the conflicts from a few days ago out of their work.

That evening Eric entered the locker room, seeing Calleigh emptying the contents of her locker she normally removed after a long day of convicting felons. He tried to refrain himself from staring at her, taking in every inch of the woman he had grown to love with every fiber of his body. Instead, he greeted her with a simple "hey."

"Hey," she replied, smiling slightly.

"So, you're outta here?" Eric asked, trying to start a friendly conversation, fearing any silence could possibly make them being close and alone awkward.

"Yep, I'm leaving. I'm gonna have dinner with a friend," Calleigh explained.

Eric tried to remain indifferent about the situation, trying to keep in mind that she could possibly be having dinner with a female. But having to bitterly remind himself Calleigh wasn't his anymore and she was free to have dinner with whomever she chose, even someone of the opposite sex. Eric wasn't aware of the fact that Calleigh had gotten word that an old Sorority Sister of hers was in town and the two had made plans, seeing as they had only been in contact over the phone for the last few years.

"A friend, huh?" Eric asked, opening his locker. "Trying to have a life outside of this place?"

"I'm trying," Calleigh chuckled as she pulled her handbag to swing on the crook of her arm, though she knew that if her old friend hadn't been in town she probably wouldn't have been going out any place where excitement for her might have lain.

"It's none of my business," Eric said, not even thinking the word until they were already spoken. More than anything the words had been a reminder to himself not to interfere with any plans she might have had, instead they came out differently…opening a whole new can of worms, one that probably could have been better of sealed.

"Well, sure it is, we're friends, that's the kind of thing friends talk about," Calleigh replied, hoping the point was getting across that just because they were temporally on hiatus that they didn't have to be completely excluded from the other's life, even if they ended permanently when the stage was done. They had gone through too much together not to have some type of relationship.

Eric smiled a forced smile, though he hoped the illusion came across as him actually being happy and was content with just being friends.

"Yeah, I guess they do," Eric agreed, looking at her for a few moments before dropping his eyes back to his locker.

There was a beat of silence as Eric removed his wallet from his locker, he could still feel Calleigh looking at him.

"You know I love you." Eric's ears perked up at the phrase he hadn't heard in what could have been decades, making that familiar warming rush of blood flood through him. "Like family," Calleigh finished.

Those words made any warm blood flowing through his veins freeze as disappointment roared its ugly head. For all of one millisecond he believed that tonight they could have possible taken another step towards repair, his hopes clearly ending in vain.

"Yeah, I know," Eric reassured her, hoping the hurt he felt didn't show on his face. "That's what we are, right?"

Calleigh nodded, seriously, almost as though she was too trying to find that sense of security within their friendship.

"Absolutely," she said.

The two exchanged a look, for one moment they remembered the events of the passed few weeks and what had led them to how they were now.

For a moment, Eric was sure Calleigh's glance dropped to his gym bag as he pulled it out of his locker, but he only noticed as he said to her, "You have a goodnight."

"You, too," Calleigh smiled before making a beeline towards the door.

As Calleigh walked away, he prayed that her love for him as family was only for now and that in the past she had felt the same love for him as he had her and prayed she could one day rediscover it. Eric watched as Calleigh turned the corner to leave, seeing a few locks of hair flow behind her before disappearing entirely. He heard some dull slaps of her heels hitting the floor before the high pitched squealing of hinges on a lower door before it closed.

Eric closed his locker door and rested his head against the cool metal, sighing at his stupidity. Calleigh may have thought she had made them this way, she always bestowed the burden of blame upon herself, but he disagreed and thought she couldn't be more wrong. In Eric's mind, he had started this string of reactions that resulted in them now standing on the tip of a double-edged knife.

He had always known positive events between Calleigh and himself always moved at a minimum of five miles per hour, however the negatives seemed to come at them at the speed of light. Eric didn't discover his intense love for Calleigh for ten years working at the Miami-Dade Crime Lab, only after his shooting did it become clear how tight a bond they had and how living in a world in which her heart didn't beat would be impossible. Even after those feelings were discovered, it took two more years and him almost getting deported to Cuba for the two of them to finally take on a relationship.

Then, of course, the events of the passed year or so had probably had the greatest effect on them. But despite everything that happened with the State Attorney's Office and his instinct telling him that it was going to take Calleigh awhile to merely forgive him, let alone discuss marriage, he defied his better judgement and bought that damn engagement ring.

Shaking his head at himself, Eric unzipped the top of his bag to be sure he had remembered to bring the tank top and shorts he usually changed into before heading to the gymnasium. To his utter surprise, resting on top of the garments was a folded up piece of stationary paper. Curious, Eric unfolded the paper to see the penmanship he had grown to know well over the years. He knew that Calleigh knew his combination for his lock, though how she found out he wasn't sure of, and she could have possibly left the note a minimum of a few minutes before she told him about her dinner plans.

The note read:

"_Nothing lasts forever, not even goodbye. Maybe someday."_

_-Love, Cal_

* * *

Just a fun fact for you really quickly. I wrote this while watching an episode of the show "House" online, thinking "Good God, if House and Cuddy are making it work, then Eric and Cal sure can!" Seriously, have you seen that show and how difficult House is to get along with? Don't get me wrong, it's my second favorite show (I think it's obvious what my first one is) and I love it, but the whole relationship thing is so unfair!

I was going to go into deeper detail while editing this, but my sometimes demonic twin sister threatened to destroy my property if I didn't publish this as it was, so she better like it. That's right , T, I just put you in my A/N! :) (sorry about that, folks, sister thing).

Hope you enjoyed this fic…please review!


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